Authority We Don’t Have
~ dignity, self-expression, and why we shouldn't speak for others
When some people speak as if their words were mine.
They are not.
They never will be.
Even when it comes wrapped in good intentions, speaking for someone else steals something only they can give.
Respect means leaving space for their voice, especially when it remains quiet.
Don’t speak for me.
Don’t think for me.
Don’t judge me by what I do,
or fail to do.
You might believe you’re helping, you might think you’re protecting me, sparing me, saving me time, but that’s not the point.
The moment you put words in my mouth, you take something that isn’t yours. You replace my voice with yours. Even if your guess is close, it’s still a guess. Even if your intention is pure, it’s still an overstep.
And I have to remember that too; this is not for you alone, it’s for to live this as a rule, to treat others as I want them to treat me.
Don’t you agree that how we see the reverse of this is as important, and possibly more?
So, what about the reverse?
Should I speak for you?
Not unless you’ve asked me to.
Not unless you’ve told me what you want to say, and given me authority or instructions to say it.
Otherwise, it’s your voice, it’s your choice, to use it, or to keep silent.
There’s a humility in letting someone speak for themselves.
It’s not just politeness, it’s respect. It’s the acknowledgement that their thoughts, even if unspoken, are theirs to offer. Theirs alone …
Sometimes, of course, people can’t speak for themselves, through absence, illness, crisis, or some form of disability. That’s different.
Advocacy, when invited or necessary, is a gift, but it should never be assumed.
We all like to believe we’re perceptive. That we “get” the people around us.
But we’re usually wrong in ways we can’t see.
Family members and close friends surprise us.
So, how can we justify taking it upon ourselves to speak for them?
We see it happen as habit, as assumption, as the urge to appear informed, connected, and important. But those are self-serving reasons.
They may help us express our view, but that’s not the person whose voice we’ve borrowed.
If you care about someone and we care about the integrity of our actions, we owe others the same dignity of speaking for themselves, as we insist upon for ourselves.
Your voice is your own; so is mine. We need guard it, and ‘firmly and fairl’ grant the same courtesy to others.
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