Fear remains fear unless faced
~ pouring-out: life's indecision(s), stark truths, hidden in plain sight
A critic would say this is underdeveloped. True that …
Absolutely: much more than another daily Musing column here, but I don’t have time to write the encyclopedia just now - a busy day awaits. That critic would say this piece leans too heavily on someone else’s words. While procrastination and indecision have been discussed ad nauseam by many, including myself, this is different. It’s an in-the-moment, for-my-entire-future epiphany. And I don’t use epiphany lightly. I’ll write/confess more, later, and soon, but for now:
Some truths stop us cold.
Not because they are long or complicated.But because they take away every excuse.
Yesterday, I read a few lines that hit me harder than any book falling from the top shelf. It wasn’t polite encouragement, it was stark, unblinking clarity. Like a 2x4 to the forehead …
I read this (Seth Godin’s blog post Aug. 20) :
“No” is an option
“Maybe” is the problem.
If you’re serious, say, “yes.”
And if it’s not for you, walk away.
But endlessly reconsidering opportunities without forward motion is a place to hide.
Hide?
That cut.
Deep.
I can’t boil decades of validating experiences into one tidy bumper-sticker slogan, but that last word carries heft, the weight of my lifetime. The adult portion for sure …
Avoiding, delaying, circling, procrastinating; all different costumes for the same thing.
Hiding.
Any skeptic might shrug, or add: so what?
Haven’t we all heard about procrastination before?
Sure. But that misses Seth’s point. And/or the meaning of that hits me …
Sure, it’s an ah+ha moment - but that’s a quick chuckle, a moment like fouling off the pitch to take another swing.
It’s deflection. I know. I’m a subject matter expert.
It isn’t about novelty. It’s clarity.
A dozen books can dance around the subject and still leave you fuzzy. I have stacks of these books.
Now, five lines knocked me flat.
OK, you decide for yourself, but they gobsmacked me.
It wasn’t just “hide.”
Rather, the removal of wiggle room.
Maybe, ‘later’, ‘today, for sure’, ‘when I get time’, and ‘sure, I’ll do that’, or ‘happy to, I’ll make a note in my diary to be sure I do that’ - all well intentioned, all maybes, a masquerade for what is real and scary deep down.
Not a feature, it’s a bug in my operating system - a disguise for hiding.
Hide, hidden, obscured, confused - in its many forms, fear at its most basic and limiting form.
Fear of yes, rationalized as fear of no, fear of not being ready, not being fully prepared, not being smart enough, not being on time, not being first, and fear of being one of many nearly-identical competing pitches, offerings, ideas …
Fear of succeeding, fear of what comes after whatever I dream or pitch or argue for - when someone, some company, some beautiful dreamy person with a big brain says to me: yes, go ahead, I’m sold, or ‘what comes next?’ and not having the right pithy response.
What comes next?
That should be a moment for celebration, but it’s not. It’s SCARY in bold capital letters.
Hiding in plain sight, apparently afraid of nothing.
And Seth’s reminder that “maybe” is not neutral; it’s a disguise.
I’ve written thousands of these daily Musing pieces. Readers sometimes tell me one line mattered most. Mattered to them. They tell me, and I often have to say, ‘What day was that? I’ll have to look it up to recall what I was thinking that day.’ … after 22 1/2 years, I can’t recall very many of them on demand.
But yesterday I was the proverbial deer caught in Seth’s headlights - stopped cold.
Caught in that moment.
Five lines stripped me bare.
That’s not a response to weak writing. That’s the strongest kind.
This is the gift of language when it lands: not flattery, not comfort, but exposure.
And that leads to composure.
Will it cause change, or only ripples on the pond?
Maybe …
I’m sharing this in the belief it will resonate with someone. Maybe two, or three, or more. Maybe none. Some might suggest I go get some counselling …
But fear remains fear unless faced.
Facing something changes nothing, but it is a start.
So, many thanks to Seth.
And to you, Musings reader, if you’ve read from the beginning to this point, you’ll know that sometimes the best part of writing is reading the work of others who help us scrape off the crap and superficial disguises to expose what’s scary and full of vulnerability.
Fear, in its most primitive form, is a look in our mirror to see what we have been hiding every day of our lives.
I don’t know if I’ll reveal this again, or often.
It seems easy today to ‘click a button’ and share this morning’s thoughts with a few thousand of my closest friends, or shine a public spotlight on it for the benefit of others or to call attention to having ‘seen it’ myself.
What matters most, I think, is this: when we finally learn something this important, with a powerful message within it, is to allow that message to guide us the rest of the day and through all those tomorrows that inevitably come after.
That’s not shouting it, or re-telling it.
And I probably will do some of that.
For now, grabbing this with both hands and using it to empower many things I must do, need to do, want to do and am afraid to do - that’s new, newer, walking the talk I’ve been talking but not walking. Starting here. Starting now. Not because such a change in me is going to be easy, because it will be hard.
Harder than many things I’ve found hard.
But I must.
Many won’t see it, many won’t agree, and many won’t like the ‘new me’ they might see.
All of this might not matter to anyone else, ever, but it might.
If you are one of those, I’d love to collaborate - chat about it privately. Like so many things, talking with others instead of our ‘inside our head discussion with ourselves’ can add a lot of value.
I’m sure this is scary for many. It has been for me many times. To admit our self-doubts, our known shortcomings, is one thing, but to tell someone else - yikes, that’s scary. To tell a roomful of curious folks, scarier. A large number of people I know mixed in a crowd of many I don’t know … I do that often, but rarely with a message that causes me to tremble.
This is one of those days.
Enjoy a listen of Leon Russell and others singing A Song For You …
Are you hiding too?
Don’t be scared, you are not alone.
I learned a phrase at a business seminar many years ago. I was encouraged to confront F.U.D.
Fear, uncertainty and doubt. I grabbed that - not just a great term, visceral message and good guidance. And I realize, as much as I’ve used confronting F.U.D. to great advantage … it’s been a clever cover for hiding.
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