Is understanding overrated?

~ have you tried understanding anyone? I barely know myself, so let’s stop pretending

Is this about seeing clearly, or thinking clearly, or caring carefully - it’s pretty damned confusing sometimes.

All the time.

Every time.

But, maybe, it need not be …

I’m frequently amazed by ‘blissfully happy on the outside people’ who seem oblivious to what is beneath, and if that’s they are with their shit, how could they possibly understand my shit?

Exactly …

We say we want to understand others. We nod, we mirror, we quote someone clever in our best version of Brené Brown-speak, whatever got through to us one day, and we regurgitate some version of that as being useful to someone else! It’s more likely to confuse the confused even further.

What if the pursuit of truly understanding someone else isn’t the point?

We talk a lot about understanding, as if it’s a skill we can master or a box we can check.

Maybe understanding isn’t the goal.

Let’s be honest:

I’ve lived in my own head for decades, and I still surprise myself. So, how exactly am I supposed to decode you?

Maybe what we need is a little more patience, first with each other, then with ourselves, and to observe the simple truth that most people are a little hard to figure out.

What about just getting along?

Try that.

Let’s make that the medium-term goal.

We say things like, “I get where you’re coming from” or “I understand what you’re going through.”

Maybe we mean it.

Maybe we want to.

More often, I think, we want someone else to think we mean it and even more we want to hide that we don’t mean it quite so much … but we’re trying to get along, so we’ll say just about anything.

C’mon, don’t deny it.

But mostly, yes, we’re trying to be kind, right?

Or are we holding back, trying with gritted teeth, to keep from blurting something thoughtless, unfiltered, or unhelpful?

Yes, any given Monday, ‘all of that.’