Surely we communicate, lips are moving...
~ transmitting or just making noise?
We know we’re talking.
Our lips are moving.
We know we can hear; our ears aren’t wax-packed.
We all know that true communication isn’t measured by moving lips, it’s measured by open minds like an open hand or open arms …
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” — George Bernard Shaw
We know we’re talking.
Our lips are moving.
We know we can both hear. Our ears aren’t wax-packed.
And we think that means communication is happening.
But true communication isn’t measured by moving lips. It’s measured by open minds, like we feel the welcoming openness of open hands or open arms.
Shaw’s quote sticks with me because I keep seeing proof of it. We mistake someone listening to us speak our piece, as if that equates to evidence that they also hear us and understand us.
But we know communication is more than someone hearing what we want them to hear.
The other day, our weekly sales meeting kicked off with a short video that hit home. Simon Sinek on The Art of Listening ~ click here for that video.
So often, what we call conversation is part performance, part defence. Sometimes, just cranky noise. I’ve been there. When things go sideways, I don’t expect warmth, but I do still hope for it.
What should we expect from those impasses?
Can we change them?
We hear each other. But are we really listening?
Do we plant thoughts like seeds in fertile soil, or hurl them into a wind tunnel, hoping it’s not blown right back into our face?
Are we speaking to connect, or to correct?
Listening demands more of us than silence.
It requires presence, curiosity, and generosity. And we ache for the openness that allows us to be our most vulnerable, which becomes impossible if we are expecting pushback, or when we feel it is not fair during or after, no matter how openly we tell our side, speak our piece, peace is not felt. Until it is, don’t expect your guard to be down, don’t expect someone’s vulnerable side to show up, let alone be revealed.
More likely to see fur flying …
Too often, we’re busy scripting our rebuttal in our head before the other person has even finished - and in those cases, how can we possibly be listening openly. This is not a place for multitasking.
When we listen, do we hear their tone, see the tempo, feel the tension?
Sure, those are hard to hide, but do we also see and appreciate their perspective?
Often not. And both sides walk away feeling wronged.
So… who’s wrong?
We usually see how they are.
We rarely see how we might be, too.
Is resolution possible without retreat or resentment?
When we speak, are we offering something open and honest, or issuing a decree?
Confidence is one thing.
Arrogance, another. I’ve been guilty of both.
So let’s all ask, and answer, these:
Am I speaking to connect or just filling space?
And when I say that I will listen, am I really wanting to hear?
Most recent bonus/+ postings on Musings+
Archived SHORT STORIES + latest posting: Shadows on the Prairie
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The last 3-day Musing column links to yesterday: Take me to your leader; the day before, Uncertain times, fewer certain truths; and the day before that, Spinning plates, greased log
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